All marriages have their highs and lows -- and fighting about things from time to time is probably an inevitable part of living together. However, if it seems to you that your marriage has become an endless, weary struggle and the fights with your spouse have become a constant, you can hardly be blamed for thinking about divorce.
When do you call it quits? How do you know when you should stay and try to work things out and when there's really no longer any point? Here are the signs that your marriage is truly over:
1. You've taken to avoiding your spouse as much as possible.
It's normal for healthy couples to have some independence in their social lives. However, when you start deliberately planning dinners out with the girls on Friday nights or bowling with the guys all Saturday afternoon just so you don't have to spend your free time with your spouse, that's a signal that you've already mentally "uncoupled." It's even worse if you're having an affair (or thinking about one). Essentially, you're already living like a single person -- you just haven't gotten around to ending the marriage yet.
2. You're absolutely apathetic about your spouse and your marriage.
If you're not really interested in what your spouse does or says and you can't bring yourself to even care if your spouse is staying out late, having an affair, drinking too much, or otherwise doing something objectionable, that's apathy. When the indifference to your spouse is profound, there's probably no coming back from that point.
3. You can't find anything positive to say about your spouse.
If you find yourself making disparaging comments or using sarcasm a lot when you talk about your spouse to friends or relatives, that's a very troubling sign. It essentially means that you've lost all respect for your spouse and are focused on the negatives. Whether that's justified or not, it may be a sure sign that you're simply "over" the relationship and are just working your way out emotionally.
4. You have a moment of epiphany.
Did you suddenly have a moment where you could clearly see what it would be like to be on your own? Was it a positive experience that left you eager to start fresh? Or did a light bulb in your mind suddenly go off, making it perfectly clear that you and your spouse are -- on a very basic level -- incompatible? If you have a deep-seated feeling that it's time to leave your marriage, trust your instincts.
If these four items strike a chord and you're ready to end your marriage, a divorce law attorney can assist you.
If you've decided that you want to adopt a child, the first thing you should do is reach out to a family law attorney. While it may not seem logical to get an attorney involved from the start, it's important that you protect yourself legally from the beginning. After making the decision to adopt, I have been through the process several times. I created this site to help other adoptive parents understand what they can expect from the entire process, including the legal support you're likely to need. I hope this information helps you feel more confident in this major life decision.